Lovely weekends

We’ve been invited out to dinner tonight. I don’t worry about not drinking spoiling the fun, if there’s fun to be found, I’ll find it.  I’ll have a nice evening and then I’ll get a good night’s sleep. I’ll still get up early, sort the house, have a long weekend run and get the most out of it being a day off. We’re off to see a film Saturday night and out for dinner after that. All lovely and quite busy but that won’t write off Sunday either!

Next week, I have two, possibly three evenings out but without the booze and the inevitable hangover, it’s possible to fit it all in and it doesn’t mess with all of the other shit I need to get done.

Last evening, I was tidying away after dinner and looking forward to sitting down with a cup of tea and doing a bit of internet window shopping for my bedroom when I thought how simple and straightforward my evenings at home are these days. It’s chilled. There’s no drinking and worrying about how much I have had, or when to stop, or whether there is enough wine. I don’t feel guilty about not connecting with the rest of family as I’m not isolating in the kitchen anymore, hiding how much I am drinking from everyone else. There’s no rushing the kids off to bed just so that I can ‘relax’ and get a little drunk again before heading up for another rubbish night’s sleep. It’s just calmer and it actually really is relaxing.

So, the shopping’s done and  I am up early, making a start on work so I can finish early today. I can’t get used to having this air of calm around me. I used to wonder how other people got through the evenings at home without wine, couldn’t understand why they didn’t participate in daily drinking. Why didn’t they think that home life could be enhanced by injecting some ‘fun’ into the evening by adding a little wine every night?

I keep waiting for the bubble to burst and everything to start getting a bit harder again, for the chaos to return. It’s a whole new Friday feeling that has nothing to do with getting drunk, being reckless or escapism .I am finally beginning to embrace and look forward to it and it’s hard to imagine ever wanting my life to go back to how it was before.

 

10 Months. Time heals.

It’s ten months since I downed my last glass of wine and said ‘that’s it!’

Woo hoo! I really didn’t think that would be it for me but something clicked and here I am.

I don’t know when drinking stopped being enjoyable but it had become something I did compulsively, by myself, just me and my head most of the time. Sure, I still had social occasions when I drank and it felt ok, acceptable, fun even,  but overall, even socially, it felt like a chore. I had to count units, drink slowly, wait for others to finish their drink, worry if there would be enough, more, more, I want more!

Looking back now I can’t believe the hold it had over me and I truly didn’t believe I had a choice or that there was any other option. I simply could not see a life without alcohol in it. But here I am with 300 plus days and the finish line is in sight…right?

A whole year sober.  That became my goal once I had done 100 days, followed by another 100, then another. Experience everything sober, holidays, birthdays, weddings and the dreaded Christmas and New Year!”

I have lots of things in my ‘sober tool box’ that helped to get me this far

 

  • A      special drink in a favourite glass, usually elderflower, cranberry and      soda or something with ginger in a wine or cocktail glass.

 (I found it easier to carry on with having the same routines if I had that ‘prop’ in my hand and it really worked. I would forget after a few minutes that I wasn’t drinking and of course the drink in my glass actually tasted really good too. I still find it hard to empty a wine glass with the remains of an elderflower cordial down the sink? How bizarre is that?)

  • Movies,      I have watched more films in ten months than I have in the last ten years,      my lovefilm subscription was a lifesaver
  • Lots      of treats, chocolate every day, cake at least once a week.  Didn’t loose any weight for the first six      months.
  • Relaxing      baths with scented candles
  • Reading      (finishing books and remembering what I have read)
  • Having      one person in real life that I can talk to about how I am feeling…my      wonderfully supportive husband.
  • The      sober online community and the many supportive friends I have made.
  • Blogging,      reading blogs and listening to the Bubble Hour over and over
  • Group      exercise classes, making the most of the hangover free weekend early      starts
  • Staying      in, staying in and more staying in. It’s not forever, just the first few      weeks. Going out and socialising does get easier and will be fun again but      is just hard work in the beginning.
  • Early      nights and lots of new bedding. I have such lovely restful nights now. 

By far the biggest thing that I have put into my sobriety is time. There is something about crossing off days, clocking up time, digging in and just waiting for it to pass that counts beyond belief towards feeling better about being sober. Sometimes it goes quickly and easily other times it seems like a painfully slow, endless road to nowhere. But sticking with it, hanging in there, just being…heals. From six to eight months, I felt I’d taken giant leaps in my sobriety and again from eight to ten months it’s happened again. I can only explain this feeling (which is wonderful) to be down to time alone. It really does heal. Sobriety feels fantastic, like I’ve found the key to making my life work. I’m exploring who I am and have started to create a whole new life for myself. New routines, hobbies, interests and a more enthusiastic approach to my career are just a few of things I have embraced in the last few months.  

So, when I wonder if I will make it to a year and beyond that, I am excited to see what happens rather than worrying about forever. I am really not frightened of ‘forever’ anymore. The effort feels more like it’s about my life as a whole than just my sobriety singled out.

When you get sober, yes, you do spend a whole lot of time thinking. But it’s not all about not drinking, it’s about sorting your shit out and getting more out of your life, especially if you feel like you’ve wasted a whole lot of it drinking and being hung over. I devoted enough of my life to drinking so I am more than prepared to give sobriety a bit more of my precious time. So, onwards to one year!

 

Drinking is (almost) so last year…

My first sober Christmas has passed and I’ve survived, sobriety intact.

It was a low key one, in that we had been invited out for both of the big days. Doing less physically, makes it easier on my stress levels. I had very little food or preparation to do and this really did help with keeping me calm and allowed me the time to check in with sober blogs/pals/podcasts, grab a bit of me time.

Christmas Day was lovely. It was such a treat to wake without a heavy head and not feel bleary eyed and out of sorts all day. I have celebrated a bit too much on Christmas Eve on more than one occasion and it has never been worth it.

I loved not having a hangover and not worrying about what time it would be ok to open the Champange and if anything would interrupt me once I got started with drinking. I felt calm, in control. We went to my brother’s and although I had some pangs when the fizz came out and when everyone was having wine with dinner, I let it pass and got on with enjoying the food and the company. There was only one comment, as usual it was made by the person who drank the most during the day and evening. It wasn’t a big deal, just someone surprised at how someone else could be refusing the lovely vino on Christmas Day of all days?? I have to admit, that person would have been me in the past. No other comment was made. There was a huge gang of us and we stayed the night. I went to bed with a clear, happy head after making sure all of the children were in bed, accounted for. God knows who did that in previous years, but it wouldn’t have been me. 
/The rest of the holidays have been much more restful than usual and I am sure that this is because I am calmer. I have less covering up to do all of the time, no guilt or drinker’s remorse to cope with so I actually feel entitled to a break. I’ve been reading, watched loads of movies and some bad tv, it’s been chilled.

 And already it’s New Year’s Eve…another celebration, another reason to drink? 

I have turned down invitations to party. Frankly, while I have loved my Christmas, I’ve have had my fill of people boozing and I have opted for a night in. I am not really into NYE, I am much more of a Christmas person, love it, but by NYE the lows of drinking copious amounts of all types of alcohol would have settled in and I really would be partied out. So, it’s not a night that I really associate with drinking lots, as I would usually just have a couple with dinner and an early bed. I have rarely seen midnight in the last few years, except when we have been invited out to dinner and I have felt obliged to drink until Midnight and then bang out an off key version of ‘Auld Lang Syne’, followed by tragic karaoke.

This year in our house there is much excitement by the children about it. I think it’s mostly due to the TV being spiced up again today and tomorrow and the fact that they are at the age now where they can probably outlast me in the ‘staying up’ stakes. So, we are having a fun meal and we made a scrummy trifle this morning which is chilling and I’m dying to taste! Hopefully, I will see midnight, but I do know that I will be sober and tomorrow I will start the New Year as I mean to go on, clear headed and proud of myself.

It’s important to recognise each little victory and getting through these holidays is hard work. Whether you get cravings or not, it’s not exactly fun being surrounded by the excitement of people drinking and it’s very prevalent at this time of year.  There have been parties, lunches, dinners, work events, family get-togethers, all of which come with pressure or a need to drink. Most people drink at this time of year to get through it, even the teetotals have a sherry at Christmas! 

I think it’s ok to entertain a little ‘woe is me’ time and feel a bit sorry for yourself too. It’s hard to give up alcohol and live your life without any escapism.  It’s one thing to choose a way of life that makes you different from everyone else but I didn’t ask to be addicted to alcohol. It’s not my fault that they forgot my off-switch. I didn’t choose this path. It chose me.
I have accepted that I can’t drink, can’t participate, can’t join in the drinking games but that doesn’t mean that I can’t feel a bit put out about it now and then. And if that means that I have to recognise the sacrifice that I make in staying sober and pat myself on the back for doing a good job of it, then I will do whatever it takes to feel better about this. I think it’s worth remembering that we didn’t put ourselves in this situation. We are kicking ass here by dealing with, getting and staying sober, supporting each other, hanging in there. Three cheers for the sober community!!! 

So, whether you’ve had a sober Christmas or not…if you are here reading blogs, you are in the right place, on a better path. There is still time to ring in the New Year sober style. Let’s put drinking in the past where it belongs.

Happy New Year Everyone!  Here’s to January when we can all say… 

‘Drinking? Yeah, I used to do that, but it is so last year!’

Carrie xx

Sober Tiaras

Off to a drinks party this evening and lying in the bath thinking I don’t actually feel too bad about the fact that I can’t get excited (obsessed) about wine tonight, when up pipes Wolfie with a new one.

‘You probably won’t be invited to many festive events next year, you won’t be on the top of anyone’s guest list now you’re all sober, reserved and well, boring. No one is going to want you at their parties anymore. End of an era for this charmed party girl…’

Oh where do these thoughts come from? I was sad for a minute. Then I remembered sober is the new black and I am not going to be all dull and boring just because I am not drowning myself in alcohol. I am not going to let this knock my confidence and life is what you make it, right? I am going to fun and exciting, because work is over and it’s Christmas and I am in a good mood! I am still the same person, just a less annoying version of myself! I have always enjoyed socializing and although I admit I don’t need to be out so much now I don’t need an excuse for wine, I do still like mixing with people in a fun environment. I don’t need to behave like a shrinking violet just because I am alcohol free. I will be wearing my super invisible sparkly sober party tiara and my fuck you wolfie bracelet with it’s magic powers so it’s bound to be a good night.

I am writing this to kick myself (and Wolfie) up the butt for feeling sorry for myself and thinking that my life has changed beyond recognition. I am responsible for my own fun and I have always been a positive, outgoing person. Lots has changed, that doesn’t have to.

I used to put so much energy into just keeping it all together and trying to feed my addiction without it holding me and my life back. I own all of that energy now, it’s up to me to take it and use it positively and tonight it’s going to rock a Christmas drinks party because Sober is the new black.

Better get ready, where’s that tiara?

C x

Sober Christmas?!

I think if there is a period of time that I dreaded most about being sober it was Christmas.

The thought of having no fizz or wine at the parties and the drinks receptions was appalling.

The idea of putting up the tree and wrapping presents without taking sips (yeah right!) of my red wine was unappealing to say the least. Christmas dinner without the dull head from the night before being eased by the pre noon Champange and no boozy gravy, well, I just couldn’t imagine how anyone could enjoy it? 

So far I have had three Christmas get togethers. Now, I don’t think I would have even entertained the idea of going along had I not had quite a lot of sober time under my belt. If I had been in very early sobriety I am certain I would have faked illness and stayed home.

I sort of knew that I wouldn’t drink. I had kind of planned this great big announcement type thing in my head where I would finally ‘out’ my sobriety for once and for all! Not the blogging and sober buddies etc but just the fact that my non drinking is now a permanent thing…quite the turnaround for this party girl.

Turned out that at no time did everyone, yes I thought everyone would be focused on my partying,  really notice or care that I wasn’t drinking. Here and there I had the odd comment about what was in my glass but not enough to warrant me making a big old deal of it. Some of the colleagues I am closer to of course asked me all about it and I was fairly honest in saying that it’s not for me anymore, too old, too greedy, too tired of it all etc etc. They were very chilled about it.

So, explanations aside, I put on my best party frock and huge smile and went along with the partying. The anticipation wasn’t the same but then neither was the rising panic about when someone would get the first drinks going!  I did enjoy myself as I was in good company most of the time and we ate, oh boy did we eat? So, it was treats all the way. I felt lucky to have had the luxury of a new party dress, spent money on make up treats and my hair. I tried to focus on the fact that I was lucky to be taken somewhere lovely, not having to cook or clean up and generally having a break from the routine. I find when I take the focus off what I can’t have and put it on what I have, then I don’t feel so sorry for myself. I am also lucky because I don’t have horrible strong, pulling-me-to-the-wine-shop cravings anymore. I did slope off to bed much earlier than usual but I had put in a good day of chatting and socialising and it turned out that no one was too bothered about that either!

When I am out, I do ask for a drink that resembles alcohol in a way and I get it in a grown up glass. I find that after a couple of sips that I and those I am with, forget that I am not drinking and this makes for a more relaxing vibe for all concerned. I used to have my grown up drink at home in the those first few months, at wine time, but I don’t have to do that anymore, it just doesn’t occur to me.

I don’t think about the routine of drinking at home anymore, ever. This is so fantastic because that’s where most of my drinking took place. It’s gone, that obsession and I am grateful that I can be so relaxed at home without it, more than when I was guzzling wine. That was not relaxing at all. What bullshit I fed myself! I was so stressed out all of the time because of it and now it’s not an option, things are so much calmer.

So, when we did the tree and wrapped the presents (not all done yet!) I honestly didn’t think about booze. Thought that would be way harder than it was.

I couldn’t give two hoots about not having wine with Christmas dinner either and this was the girl who would order case loads this time of year! I will bring something nice to drink, we are going to my family who don’t know it’s a permanent thing but I suspect they will when I don’t have wine on Christmas Day! I am so excited about not having to watch what I drink on Christmas Eve. We are all going to the cinema and then having supper out. Oh the freedom of not having to answer the call of wine anymore. I really was a fucking slave to when/where/how I was going to legitimately get my next fill of wine and now I don’t have that hanging over me anymore, it feels like a new lease of life.

Christmas Day will be hangover free for the first time in years. My kids always get up super early and I will not have a throbbing head a panic rising through me that I haven’t done it all in time.

I am not saying that it isn’t hard at this time of year. I am exhausted from all the people time, smiling, socialising and sure, having wine would have given me something else to focus on. But that would be all it would do. It wouldn’t make the uninteresting people more exciting, it wouldn’t give me more energy, it wouldn’t make the parties more fun. I have been standing back observing how fun happens when I am not at the centre of it. Because I was there whether you wanted me or not, livening things up, oh how I am cringing now. I thought I was responsible for everybody’s fun. And I have found that it’s not about drunken loud people telling their stories, trying to be funny, acting inappropriately. It’s fun when you get a bunch of nice people in a nice atmosphere on a good day with the right mood. Sometimes there’s something missing and it’s not all that. Other times it’s just the wrong mix and it’s not happening and that’s all. All that is different for me is that I am not drinking my way through and around what is actually happening at these parties, has always been happening at these social occasions. I am not drunkenly blissfully unaware of other people’s feelings, the mood, the highs and the lows. It feels very grown up, not always in an exciting, super fun way but just like someone has finally got me to open my eyes properly to what’s always been there.  Oh and other people just don’t drink the way that I did? Even when it’s free! With that frantic sense of panic…like there is something or somewhere I was trying to reach, urgently.

It is like I have been hiding inside my own party for one all this time and that’s not reality, this is. It’s different and it’s going to take a bit of getting used to. But that’s not a reason to run away from it, because neither is it full of regrets, shame, guilt, pain, embarrassment or any of those other awful feelings that seemed to be my constant companion for the last few years.

So, I am getting there. Bit by bit unravelling a new kind of Christmas where I am present, more connected with everyone, definitely less judgemental, more organised,  less grumpy, not hung over…that’s the best best best!

And in January nobody drinks so we won’t be the odd ones out for a bit – Hallelujah!

 

 

 

Another 100 days…

Today is day 265, so I am only a 100 day challenge away from a whole year sober. I love how I get to constantly spin these sober milestones around so I seem to be celebrating a little sober victory or patting myself on the back almost all the time! Then I feel a little uncomfortable with all the self praise and boasting. My first instinct is always to put myself back in my place and remind me not to get above myself. I was constantly reminded of that as I was growing up. It just wasn’t encouraged. Having personal boundaries wasn’t really entertained either, you went along with whoever was in authority and your wants and needs were never voiced, let alone heard. People pleasing from an early age.

So, it’s been difficult to learn how to make myself heard and put myself first, truly and authentically. Superficially, I am quite good at it but deep down, I haven’t always felt deserving.

So these little (and sometimes HUGE!) milestones in my sober recovery are like therapy to me. There is nothing wrong in learning what you can and cannot do, your strengths and weaknesses. Knowing yourself, that is self respect. Building on that is contributing to a hugely increased self esteem and I’m super grateful for that!

Self-esteem: An attitude of acceptance, approval, and respect toward oneself, manifested by personal recognition of one’s abilities and achievements and an acknowledgement of one’s limitations.

So, as I embark on the 100 day challenge again, this time to countdown to my first year sober. I will celebrate again today, pat myself on the back for getting this far and cheer myself on to the next sober milestone. Because I am slowly learning that self care doesn’t have to mean selfish and that sometimes it really is all about me.

100 day challenge

Sober is the new black!

I am 8 ½ months sober! I don’t know how that happened?! Lately the time just seems to fly…

Somehow I got here to this place where I am comfortable with not drinking, have found my sober feet and am in a contented state, well, most of the time.

Sometimes, there’s lots of fun stuff going on, I am in a really good mood and I feel like there’s nothing I can’t do. Other times it’s a bit flat. There are still moments when I really want a drink, or simply miss my old habits, my escapism…being able to check out of my own life for a while. But they do pass very quickly now.

Recently, I had a spell of nights out and was surprised at how much I enjoyed every one.

I don’t feel the sense of dread that I used to, when I thought about socializing without alcohol. I used to think it would just require so much extra effort on my part to either be or appear to be having fun. I am much more chilled about it all, my attitude has changed and I am just more confident with showing the world my sober self.  It feels like I have been hiding away, working out my sober muscles and rebuilding my confidence, getting to know myself again.

I’m really enjoy experiencing the different scenarios in a new light though my sober eyes. I like seeing the evening or event for what it actually is and not trying to force fun to happen artificially. I enjoy trying to have a good time without getting hammered.  I embrace the challenge of finding new stuff to do socially and feel like there’s a whole world out there that would have just passed me by had I still been drinking. I no longer have a one track mind and that is cool!

Sober really is the new black in my world. For the last 8 ½ months I have been on such an emotional but unplanned adventure. I thought that getting and staying sober was going be miserable but it’s just different, that’s all and I am a much happier person than when I was stuck in the endless cycle of drinking, shame and regret.

I don’t think that being sober is boring. Life can be boring, you can just be or you can stand up and challenge why it’s boring. I swapped my desire for chaos and drama for this sober adventure. I don’t know where it is going to take me or what shape my sobriety will take long term. For me, I believe that to stay sober my way (ie. Without AA, 12 Step, organised support groups) I will need to keep myself in check, and keep surrounding myself with the sober network that helped to get me this far. Whilst I feel super happy and excited about staying sober and what else will unfold if I let it, I am aware that there are easy pitfalls too.

The further away from the decision to quit that I get, the harder it will to be to remember why I had to quit. I worry about becoming complacent and thinking that I have changed so much that I could handle drinking again. I know all of this good stuff has only happened as a result of giving myself  back the controls of my life. I didn’t have that control 8 months ago. I was always trying to give up, failing almost nightly.

Two things reminded me of that tonight.

A display of French beer in the supermarket, reminded me of the Christmas I decided that banning wine and only drinking beer was how I was going to address my drinking issue. In fact, I bought a crate of that low alcohol French beer, which is about 2%. Well, obviously, I just drank loads of it and when I started to feel a bit bloated and unbuzzed, I ran to the local shop for some shit wine, leaving my husband to polish off the rest of the crate over Christmas because it just didn’t hit the spot! I decided to give up in the January. I think that was about 4 or 5 years ago. Frightening.

I was out running just before dinner (wouldn’t have done that before, didn’t really do anything productive after 5pm!) and thinking how if I was still drinking, I would spend the whole run obsessing. I would be totting up units, trying to factor in the upcoming weekend but feeling so healthy for being out exercising. I’d feel so strong at the time and would make promises to myself that I would never keep. Then I’d get home and within an hour undo all the good by opening a bottle and beating myself up all over again. Even while I was drinking it, I would feel weak, fickle, crushed…

Oh how I don’t miss those feelings and debates. I went out last night and it there was music and booze and it didn’t bother one bit that I wasn’t drinking. Most people were driving and taking it easy, it’s a Tuesday night! I was always up for a party, any excuse. That’s how I know that I am really not any different deep down…I still look in wonderment at how they have one, or even none, on a night out. Why would they do that? What’s wrong with them? Aren’t they enjoying it, don’t they need more? How do they switch the need off? I still don’t get that. I don’t crave, or envy, because I don’t want any of it now, but cannot fathom their willpower or blatant indifference!!

There are still lots of difficult situations to face, Christmas parties, Christmas generally…lots of people who don’t even know I have quit! That scares me a bit because I’m sure that they are going to be shocked, suspicious as to why anyone would not want to celebrate Christmas without boozing. I think that it’s hard to just brush it off over such a large scale at this time of the year. Certainly my attitude when telling people has recently been more like..I’m trying this not drinking lifestyle and getting shit done and all and I have found it’s really cool. I have just lowered the priority drinking has in my life and I am finding that I can..
a) Still have fun on a night out and look fabulous while doing it!
b) Discover a whole new world I didn’t know existed outside of the binge drinking social scene.
c) Get so much more from the rest of my weekend

I figure the only ones who seriously quiz me or give me any grief are the one’s who themselves have drinking issues and I am proud to be a positive advert for sober living in their eyes anyway.

So, I will be out and about, here and there wearing my much cherished new sobriety like it’s the latest must have. And when I don’t feel like doing that, I will be topping up with support, hugs, treats and whatever else I need to stay sober this Christmas. It’s my first and as with any adventure, I am both terrified and excited…

He loves me more than beer

My husband and I just had a rare child free weekend. Usually, I would be counting the hours until I could clock off and celebrate with wine. Here we had a more valid excuse than usual for having bucket loads of booze so I would welcome it with open arms. The opportunity to “switch off” and “recharge” always ended up with us drinking way to much, staying up/out late, spending far too much money and feeling hopelessly worse for wear when it was time to have the children home.

 By Friday I was quite excited at the prospect of having a bit of free time but that was about it! We’d decided to forgo a hotel stay and just explore in London, eat out and generally treat ourselves. When I got in from work in the evening, to say I was a bit tetchy would be an understatement! I was so grumpy. I banged around the kitchen preparing dinner, sipping on my elderflower drink, feeling totally sorry for myself. Thoughts of ‘it’s just not fair’ and ‘how am I ever going to switch off and have some grown up fun’ were running through my head. Finally, once I realised that my husband had taken as much snapping by me as I could get away with, I decided to just up and say what the matter was. The weekend was a huge trigger for me to drink. I  didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t get my head round how it was going to be any fun, or have any point to it, without booze?  ‘It’s months since I got to let my hair down, be a bit reckless’ I told him. ‘My life is just a bit flat all the time and now here we have the chance to really let rip for a couple of days and I can’t get excited about it if I can’t have any wine’

He listened to me ranting on for about 15 minutes, He didn’t say anything clever or helpful about how I felt, I didn’t need that, just needed to vent the feelings, to let them out. We ate, I had some chocolate after dinner and slowly started to feel better. Actually, as soon as I started to tell him what was bothering me, I started to feel better. I realised my life is not flat or boring. I am perfectly content most of the time. Day to day I am always happy with my lot, have tons to be grateful for and am ok, really I am. What I am not used to is the lack of drama and chaos, or excitement as I previously labelled it. I am not used to appreciating the simple things, like time? What is that all about? God, I think I must have drunk to speed up time, because I really don’t seem to be very comfortable when I have any abundance of it. That’s a learning curve, I need to work on how to just be.

My husband wasn’t at all bothered that he wasn’t drinking wine or beer. He is super supportive of me. He’s not drinking at home since I stopped. That didn’t hamper his mood at all. Our plans for the weekend loosely revolved around culture stuff, movies, shopping, eating and drinking tea. This didn’t bother him. He was really looking forward to it. It’s just a weekend, for fuck’s sake…it doesn’t have to be the biggest party ever?! Really?? Ok…

By Saturday morning I was over it and looking forward to finding great food and stopping off for tea and eating good cake. We had a really chilled, fun day and evening and I didn’t think about drinking again after that. I was relaxed and rejuvenated and by Sunday lunchtime I really felt like I’d had a relaxing break. Who knew!?

We picked the kids up on Sunday where we had lunch with my parents and the wine as always was flowing. I brought my special drink and got on with enjoying the meal and catching up with the kids. Another first here, is that when we were at home on Sunday night,  I was thinking about the lunch and it occurred to me that I didn’t notice how much, what colour, or anything at all about the wine that had been drunk at lunchtime. I didn’t register. This is a giant leap for me as once I put my order in for my drink, I didn’t think about the beverage situation once for the rest of the meal. I cannot tell you how excited I am at this progress and can only imagine that this is how normal people feel about the drink situation when they are socialising!!

Life doesn’t really suck because you have a craving or you have to rewire yourself for certain situations. For an isolated few moments or maybe even hours, it can be difficult to navigate, require change on your part or you might need to just quietly be. Life sucks when you booze is all you care about, you drink too much, have hangovers and generally feel like a bag of shit every day of the week.