A very quick update to say I recently forgot to celebrate my six year sober anniversary!
That actually happened! I can’t believe that the day/week/month even came and went without me even noticing.
I’m not saying that there are not still times when it’s hard being sober. There are moments when I really fancy being reckless. Times when just plain forgetting my worries would be a real treat.
An evening off from family anxiety or work stress would be bliss! The sheer escapism of it all still appeals.
But the memory of the bittersweet taste of those times are still with me.
I only have to go back and read this blog or other sober blogs to be reassured that this the place for me.
Alcohol never delivered all it promised to me. I expected too much to be fair. I was never really in it for just the one. Taking just the edge off didn’t cut it for me and never would.
I was after the full numbing, don’t give a fuck, where’s the party , I don’t want to feel my feelings experience every single time.
In an ideal world I would have a drink every time I had an uncomfortable feeling.
Just writing that makes me cringe at how scared I was of myself, of my own life.
I’ve learned to face myself, it’s not always easy and it’s uncomfortable sometimes. Occasionally it’s boring and I’m I’m not the party girl anymore. But it’s totally worth it and I’ve never been happier to look at myself every day and to know that I’m trying to live a life where there is truth and honesty and I finally have MY best interests at heart.
Putting yourself on the agenda doesn’t necessarily feel easy or natural but with a bit of practice it’s very rewarding and worth the pain along the way.
Still the best thing I ever did. Even if I’m not obsessing about it quite as much these days. It’s finally coming a bit more naturally I guess.
I wouldn’t have believed it to be possible.
Thanks to anyone who reads or writes in this space for being there when I needed someone.
I am so grateful