Thank you to everyone who commented and sent good wishes for my one year soberversary, I was really touched as always by the support and time taken by
this lovely sober support network. I even had some flowers delivered to me from a wonderful sober blogging friend on the other side of the world!!
There was cake, of course, and a new jacket that I have worn almost every day since. Every time I put it on I feel happy. I remember how far I have come from the yo-yo drinking/guilt/pain that was my existence a year ago. My life was absolutely saturated in alcohol. All those expensive trips to the supermarket and corner shop that I have been saved from, have resulted in the most loveliest treats.
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have a case of the what nows? Worrying about whether I would be able to stick with sobriety long term?
I’ve tried to put those thoughts aside, as they are always going to be too overwhelming for me. I have never looked too far ahead in the road before and staying in the moment is easier to cope with. The one day at a time serves well to keep me relaxed and happy.
My life has changed so much in the past year, though it’s been really gradual. I’ve slowly removed myself from being overly sociable and gradually I have stripped myself of the party girl label. It feels calm and I think I have done a lot of growing up. I’ve come to terms with having fewer hiding places from my emotions. I am slowly learning to stand up and face life head on. With that comes a new sense of authenticity and achievement that feels really good.
Whilst I miss the anticipation of a fun boozy night out on the town, I did have a sober first a couple of weeks ago that really surprised me.
Driving home from work on a Friday night, mentally planning my outfit etc for birthday drinks and dinner with a bunch of girl friends, when I felt a old familiar rush of excitement about going out and letting my hair down. This feeling however, was not immediately followed by the newly familiar anti climax of ‘oh but I can’t have any fun without alcohol etc’. This was a huge first for me, I have embraced nights out and forced myself to be the uber-cool-fun-sociable sober girl but it’s taken a lot of effort. To be genuinely looking forward to
the evening’s events without any booze thoughts at all was awesome!! It was a great night and another giant sober step for me.
With time the booze focused thoughts and associations do fall away one by one. With that it gets easier and being sober becomes more natural and something you think about less and less.
What I don’t take for granted yet is how amazing I feel every weekend when I once again wake up hangover free and set about getting the most out of another weekend. And family life is totally different now that I can be counted on to be present, reliable and in good spirits!
So, I feel like I have found my sober feet.I am excited about being excited to socialise again. I’m hoping that I keep on making progress and that the learning is as interesting as it has been this past year.
I have met lots of interesting sober bloggers in real life, it’s wonderful to meet people that you connect with instantly on such a big lifestyle issue. I’m looking forward to meeting more sober cool people and keeping the connections that I have made so far.
I wonder if I will ever have a ‘normal’ life again? It wasn’t exactly normal before..
Will I always need the support of like minded sober people or will I one day be able to stand alone in my life as a sober girl amongst all of the drinkers? Will I still be writing/reading blogs in another year, forever even? I will keep doing what I’m doing because it works and it keeps me sober.
Not just sober, sober and happy. And in excellent company too.