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Having a nice sobriety update with my hubby last night, I casually mentioned that he might like to accompany me to an AA meeting one time in the future!He is the strong silent type and we can go ages without mentioning my not drinking but he is there backstage, emotionally holding me up a lot of the time.
I have recently attended a couple of AA meetings. It’s not as brave as it sounds because I have been in the company of a wonderful friend who I have met along the path of this blogging journey. I haven’t written about it until now because I feel a bit like I’ve not really taken this big step by myself instead I have piggybacked on to her hugely courageous path. It’s certainly not a trait of ours to take the easy way out of anything so not going initially alone makes me feel like a bit of a fraud and I like to beat myself up over that…why not?!
I’ve always thought that if I feel like my sobriety is threatened in any way, I would not have a problem taking myself off to AA to do there whatever it takes to stay sober.
What I hadn’t appreciated before going was how how much the experience would add to how I feel about being sober. There were kind, welcoming, clever, funny, gorgeous people there, with such interesting stories and journies to share. Everyone I heard from had at least a part of their drinking history that resonated with me. It was humbling to be amongst folk who just ‘get it’ to see how ‘normal’ we all really are.
So, I have plans to go to a meeting by myself soon, nearer to my home and I am not frightened about that anymore. I am not sure where that will lead and whether I will be up for the steps or the full programme etc but like sobriety I will take my baby steps today and not worry too much about the rest of it and see where I end up.
It’s another step in the right direction for me, i’m sure of that.
As for my hubby, I think it would be wonderful to show him one day at an open meeting what really lies inside of the amazing world of the sober community and how fucking awesome we all really are!
Take that stigma!!

23 thoughts on “AA

  1. My favorite piece of advice from an AA meeting, “Find the women who have what you want and do what they do.” I did that. I found a wonderful positive woman and asked her for meeting suggestions. At those meetings I found more positive strong women who I wanted to emulate. Two weeks ago one became my sponsor and I have found myself with the best support I could have. Congratulations on taking that step.

  2. I love it! Congrats on this big ste, good for you. And thank you for sharing. It is trully amazing how alike we are. When we meet others, we take ourselves out of the alone and unique and into together and very much the same. Many times now in my sobriety I couldn’t have done it without the fellowship. They are my rock.

  3. I think it’s wonderful that you went with someone!!! The one thing I’ve learned about this sober thing is that we can’t (and I never say can’t) but we CAN’T do it alone. That was really, really hard for me to admit because I’ve always come from a place that I don’t need anyone to get to where I need to be.


    We all need someone and when we do, God places them in our path and we’re supposed to take Him up on His offer!!!

    I also took my husband to an AA meeting once – he loved it.


  4. How amazing is that, meeting a great sober friend through blogging! I’ve arranged to go along to a Soberista lunch date and I told my husband about it. Just because we all share the same problem in our lives it doesn’t mean anything. It’s hard to explain but it feels as though I’m going along to meet a super-strong, positive and interesting group of women. We certainly have nothing to be ashamed of. I think between us all we can change the stigma attached to alcoholism.

  5. Congrats on attending your first meetings and kudos to the hubby for being supportive. 🙂
    I left my last meeting feeling a bit conflicted. It is a wonderful women’s group but aside from never wanting to touch alcohol again, I haven’t found anyone who shares similar interests. Many are mothers or wives and I am neither. I am also the only blogger, something they did not understand. At the moment I feel deeper connections to fellow bloggers I’ve met here in the three weeks I’ve been online. But perhaps it is as Jill says above: “Find the women who have what you want and do what they do.”
    Wanted: Open-minded, creative ex-drinkers. 🙂
    Then again, maybe I was just a bit judgmental last night.

  6. Good stuff, Carrie 🙂

    It’s amazing feeling the power in numbers – even if that number is just two. That’s part of what the sober blogging does. But certainly feeling that in person – a whole different thing altogether. Glad you’re experiencing that. And yeah, baby steps. As Jill said, find the women who have what you want and hang out with them. See what they do and what they’ve done. If they can do it, so can you 🙂

  7. I’m jealous you have a friend to go with. I’m still searching for a face to face sober sister close by to have coffee with and talk. Good for you Carrie, and kudos to that hubby.

  8. Pingback: the un-secret « Sober Identity ~ Reprogramming an Addictive Mind

  9. It’s funny Carrie but I’ve been turning over going to an AA meeting in my head too recently. I know where the local one is because it is near where I used to go volunteer as a Samaritan. Hearing other people’s stories of their experience brings this a step closer for me too so thank you for sharing xx

    • Hi Lucy,
      I just want to encourage you to check it out. I’m far from an AA evangelist — I take what I want from the program and leave the rest — but I actually really enjoy the meetings, and look forward to them! They’re fun. There’s usually laughter and support and I’m always, always glad I went. Please don’t be afraid of your first one — people in AA LOVE newcomers.
      Good luck!

  10. It seems a shame that so many of us want to go along to AA now that others have shared their positive experiences, but because we’re all so anonymous on here we don’t know how to buddy up with somebody to go with. Any ideas?

  11. Hi
    When I was brand new to AA, I would look forward to going to the meeting all day long, but sometimes when it was time to leave for, or when I got to the meeting, I would chicken out.

    I found in my town that there were telephone numbers for things like AA Answering Service or AA Intergroup, where I could call and arrange a ride to a meeting. The folks who do the driving are sober and pretty connected in the meetings.

    It was good for me because I knew I couldn’t chicken out if I went with somebody, and the drivers introduced me to a lot of people that, I wouldn’t necessarily have the courage to meet on my own.

    • My local meeting is 8pm on a Friday evening, which does nothing for me. Hardly get to see my husband, as it is, without me starting to go out on one of only 2 nights we actually get to be a family.

      • Yes, it’s tricky to pinpoint the meeting that will suit. If we want this to work long term, we have to make the time.
        I went mid week in town…but may try the ones during the day at the weekends. Could you go midweek? What would have done previously for a night out when your husband was away/at work? Might warrant a sitter for a meeting if you think it will help it would be worth it.
        Got to put yourself first sometimes x

  12. Just thought I would let you know Carrie I have been reading your blog for months and have really enjoyed it, I have just started my recovery and reading what you have to say really helps. Thanks a lot and Carrie on writing! I went to my first AA meeting last night, I found it helpful even though I’m not very religious (I think the American AA meetings are more religious than UK ones). Nice meeting people who can be honest and have the humility only someone who has hit bottom, or narrowly avoided it, can possess. Congrats on nearly a year of sobriety! Have you ever thought about writing professionally?


    • Carrie,
      I really hear you on liking AA and not knowing whether you necessarily want to commit to the steps and all that. So far in my sobriety, I really love going to meetings (especially the agnostic ones in my city), but I doubt whether I’ll ever do ALL the steps. I don’t think I’ll ever get a sponsor, either. But the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, right? And I love the fact that I can find a live support group most days, most places in the world. What an incredible network.
      I love that you’re sharing it with your husband — it’d be cool if you could update and let us know what he thought!

  13. I went to my first meeting alone…..45 minutes drive and in french…….didnt understand much but that really didnt matter. I was welcomed and just sat and felt the warmth of the people who were there for the same reason as me. No one judged or critised, everbody listened when somebody talked and although god and faith was mentioned it was with such a global sense that you can really beleive in god or the power of yourself or the group or mother nature…take your pick..
    I have however found that sober blogs are amazing…a life saver for me….
    I’ve been taking small steps (thanks Carrie) and I’m doing ok
    Hugs to you all

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