We’ve been invited out to dinner tonight. I don’t worry about not drinking spoiling the fun, if there’s fun to be found, I’ll find it. I’ll have a nice evening and then I’ll get a good night’s sleep. I’ll still get up early, sort the house, have a long weekend run and get the most out of it being a day off. We’re off to see a film Saturday night and out for dinner after that. All lovely and quite busy but that won’t write off Sunday either!
Next week, I have two, possibly three evenings out but without the booze and the inevitable hangover, it’s possible to fit it all in and it doesn’t mess with all of the other shit I need to get done.
Last evening, I was tidying away after dinner and looking forward to sitting down with a cup of tea and doing a bit of internet window shopping for my bedroom when I thought how simple and straightforward my evenings at home are these days. It’s chilled. There’s no drinking and worrying about how much I have had, or when to stop, or whether there is enough wine. I don’t feel guilty about not connecting with the rest of family as I’m not isolating in the kitchen anymore, hiding how much I am drinking from everyone else. There’s no rushing the kids off to bed just so that I can ‘relax’ and get a little drunk again before heading up for another rubbish night’s sleep. It’s just calmer and it actually really is relaxing.
So, the shopping’s done and I am up early, making a start on work so I can finish early today. I can’t get used to having this air of calm around me. I used to wonder how other people got through the evenings at home without wine, couldn’t understand why they didn’t participate in daily drinking. Why didn’t they think that home life could be enhanced by injecting some ‘fun’ into the evening by adding a little wine every night?
I keep waiting for the bubble to burst and everything to start getting a bit harder again, for the chaos to return. It’s a whole new Friday feeling that has nothing to do with getting drunk, being reckless or escapism .I am finally beginning to embrace and look forward to it and it’s hard to imagine ever wanting my life to go back to how it was before.