Today is day 265, so I am only a 100 day challenge away from a whole year sober. I love how I get to constantly spin these sober milestones around so I seem to be celebrating a little sober victory or patting myself on the back almost all the time! Then I feel a little uncomfortable with all the self praise and boasting. My first instinct is always to put myself back in my place and remind me not to get above myself. I was constantly reminded of that as I was growing up. It just wasn’t encouraged. Having personal boundaries wasn’t really entertained either, you went along with whoever was in authority and your wants and needs were never voiced, let alone heard. People pleasing from an early age.
So, it’s been difficult to learn how to make myself heard and put myself first, truly and authentically. Superficially, I am quite good at it but deep down, I haven’t always felt deserving.
So these little (and sometimes HUGE!) milestones in my sober recovery are like therapy to me. There is nothing wrong in learning what you can and cannot do, your strengths and weaknesses. Knowing yourself, that is self respect. Building on that is contributing to a hugely increased self esteem and I’m super grateful for that!
Self-esteem: An attitude of acceptance, approval, and respect toward oneself, manifested by personal recognition of one’s abilities and achievements and an acknowledgement of one’s limitations.
So, as I embark on the 100 day challenge again, this time to countdown to my first year sober. I will celebrate again today, pat myself on the back for getting this far and cheer myself on to the next sober milestone. Because I am slowly learning that self care doesn’t have to mean selfish and that sometimes it really is all about me.