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Another 100 days…

Today is day 265, so I am only a 100 day challenge away from a whole year sober. I love how I get to constantly spin these sober milestones around so I seem to be celebrating a little sober victory or patting myself on the back almost all the time! Then I feel a little uncomfortable with all the self praise and boasting. My first instinct is always to put myself back in my place and remind me not to get above myself. I was constantly reminded of that as I was growing up. It just wasn’t encouraged. Having personal boundaries wasn’t really entertained either, you went along with whoever was in authority and your wants and needs were never voiced, let alone heard. People pleasing from an early age.

So, it’s been difficult to learn how to make myself heard and put myself first, truly and authentically. Superficially, I am quite good at it but deep down, I haven’t always felt deserving.

So these little (and sometimes HUGE!) milestones in my sober recovery are like therapy to me. There is nothing wrong in learning what you can and cannot do, your strengths and weaknesses. Knowing yourself, that is self respect. Building on that is contributing to a hugely increased self esteem and I’m super grateful for that!

Self-esteem: An attitude of acceptance, approval, and respect toward oneself, manifested by personal recognition of one’s abilities and achievements and an acknowledgement of one’s limitations.

So, as I embark on the 100 day challenge again, this time to countdown to my first year sober. I will celebrate again today, pat myself on the back for getting this far and cheer myself on to the next sober milestone. Because I am slowly learning that self care doesn’t have to mean selfish and that sometimes it really is all about me.

100 day challenge

26 thoughts on “Another 100 days…

  1. Wow, that is giving me hope–100 more days after 265, doesn’t sound do bad, eh? (I’m a few days behind you!) And, thank you for that definition of self-esteem: getting to know one’s strengths and weaknesses, self-acceptance. That is so much different than how we usually think of self-esteem, like, self-love or bragging or self-righteousness. Great to read this today. And, GO YOU! You totally deserve all the little parties along the way! xx

    • We can do 100 days right? Can’t wait to celebrate a year together, what a journey. We got this!
      I never realised I could feel better if I changed my understanding of self respect, self esteem, worthiness. It’s so much more than simply not drinking and thank God it is. That’s why it’s awesome.
      Huge fucking party in 100 days!!!!!
      Thank you xxx

  2. Simply amazing. You deserve to put that slinky sober black dress on with the tiara and dance. Keep it up, I’m Far behind but staying on that path, besides I think I look good in black.

    • Well you look great in every colour don’t you know, it’s just taken us a while to figure that out. We were always this awesome, we just didn’t realise!
      As long as you are on track it doesn’t matter how long you got, just that you are here now and that you’re staying!

  3. Congrats Carrie! I am so happy for you and for continuing on yet another 100 days! Very cool! And you are very right, when it comes to sobriety, it is “all about me” – very important lesson that took me forever to learn! But if I don’t take car of me, I am useless to everyone else.

  4. Actually, this is incredibly important to your recovery! I was reading the other day about the way addiction works and how our dopamine receptors get reduced in response to addiction and one key way to rebuild those important pathways of pleasure/reward without addictive substances is by setting, achieving and rewarding ourselves for goals – even small ones. So you can genuinely see this process and essential to rebuilding your brain in a healthy way from the damage our excessive drinking did.

    Plus, you deserve it because you ROCK.


      • I can’t remember now if that was in Drink or another book I’ve been reading called Being Sober (I stocked up on some new sober books on my Kindle recently during my slump to give myself a pre holiday season motivational boost). That one has some good stuff – is by the director of the Betty Ford Centre – but didn’t like it as much as Drink as it’s very, very AA-focused. That said, reading their chapter on the AA promises was interesting – I’ve never read about those before. And there was some good general recovery stuff. I just still struggle with a lot of the AA concepts honestly but trying to keep an open mind.

        In any case, about the dopamine-reward stuff, I have read about this elsewhere too in books that talk about the neurophysiology of addiction, which fascinates me. Alcohol gives you this HUGE dopamine rush – and people prone to addiction tend to be lacking in that important pleasure neurotransmitter – which is why it feels so great. But over time our brain responds to the excess of dopamine by shutting down some of our receptors. This makes us want even MORE, thereby creating a vicious cycle. So, finding natural ways to get that dopamine pleasure-reward rush is essential – and that includes goal setting/rewards, exercise, sex, certain foods etc

      • http://yourbrainonporn.com/addictive-brain-all-roads-lead-dopamine-2012

        “Reward circuitry, the cascade of neurotransmission in the brain that leads to the release of dopamine, is kicked off by any pleasurable experience. Everything from eating, to having sex and even skydiving can get it going. The point of the reward circuitry is to positively reinforce actions that promote the survival of the species. During what the brain perceives to be as beneficial actions, dopamine’s release makes our brains “happy,” thus encouraging us to do it again. Though “extreme actions” inherently don’t promote survival, and in fact endanger it, the rush to preserve life causes the release of dopamine and consequently pleasure.

        Drugs play on this system and can destroy it with enough use, creating a permanent craving that results in addiction. Pleasure produced from drug abuse occurs because most of these drugs target the brain’s reward system by flooding the circuit with dopamine. When some drugs like cocaine are taken, they can release 2-10 times the amount of dopamine as natural responses. The resultant effects on the brain’s pleasure circuit dwarfs those produced by natural rewards such as food and even sex. Just this fact alone strongly motivates people to take drugs again and again, but for about 30% of the population, genetics is also a factor when it comes to the desire to take drugs.”

  5. finding so much inspiration in your post- way to go! i’m on day 30 and have hopeful visions of being where you are. thanks for sharing.

    • 30 days is awesome!!! Big changes happen at those 30/60/90 milestones and you can’t imagine how strong you are going to get but it’s huge. So, celebrate, reward, treat, pat, cheer, enjoy them and know that you deserve this!!! You do.

  6. Yeah.. what Lilly said .. you rock. I can’t wait to celebrate your 1 year with you. In the meantime congrats on 265!! I’m loving this exploration of self esteem. It’s not big-headedness, it’s not arrogance, it’s not self-absorption.. it’s just healthy self-respect and, as you say, boundaries. The best way to look at it (I think).. is that only when you really love and respect yourself are you able to give the most love and respect you possibly can to others. So in a roundabout way it’s a way of looking after others.. because the more you look after yourself the more you have to offer others. I think this is a bit repetitive and waffly but hopefully you get what I mean! Big love xxxx

    • Yes, that’s exactly it. It starts with me and that’s ok. I never really knew or believed that which sounds crazy! Accepting this is huge for me. I love how clear things slowly become as the fog lifts and I can’t believe how I used to behave towards myself. This, is far nicer than I ever could’ve imagined.
      Thanks xxx

  7. Why is it so hard for us to just acknowledge what’s good in us and let go of the bad? Instead we do it backwards! WTF is that about?

    Love this post so much! It reminds me to celebrate the good in me!

    Congrats on 265 Carrie! You deserve every celebration there is every single day.


    • I don’t know? We just need to keep working on it.
      I am so happy to be here where I can shout it from the rooftops and get support from all of you too!
      Let’s celebrate ourselves this Christmas…truly. X

  8. This is awesome and I love that you are starting another 100 day challenge to get you to 365. I am at day 257 so I think i might steal your idea … i think you’re right that we need to pat ourselves on the back more. We could’ve grown up in the same home with the people pleasing and the inability to set or respect boundaries. My friend and I were talking about this yesterday: it isn’t selfish to practice self-care, it’s survival! Congrats on 265 and here’s to your next 100! *raises glass of sparkling lemonade*

  9. Hi Carrie, I’ve been reading a lot on your blog. Some of your posts are as if I have written them myself. I wonder if you’d be open to emailing…. I didn’t see an email address, so I thought I’d ask.

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