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Seven months

Yesterday marked 7 months sober!

I am in a really good place.Cravings this past month have been almost non existent and I am just loving getting shit done! Haven’t had a dose of the woe-is-me feeling for ages…sure I have ups and downs but I am better able to cope with anything by being sober. I regularly take stock of the positivity the past 215 days has brought to my life and I try and remember the shit I was putting up with on a day to day basis before. Being sober is not the answer to all of my prayers, but my life has a whole lot more clarity now that I have taken ownership and responsibility of it once more.

We just had a big event at work, followed by an evening spent at the pub, then a restaurant where the booze and booze talk were flowing. I don’t choose to spend my evenings this way anymore but I work with a really entertaining bunch of nice people so it’s never too much of a chore. I am very comfortable with them although I did wonder what they would think if they knew the real reason I was “driving” again! I do worry about if I will be treated differently once they finally figure out that I am no longer the party animal I once was?!

I spent some of the evening pondering how to handle the Christmas do! I am trying to practise Belle’s “stay here” and “all is well, even when it’s shitty” theories. I only need to cope with today and it is Friday after all!

I haven’t been upfront with many people about why I got sober. I have my reasons for wanting to do it my way and I have been honest with the people whose reactions I can cope with or care about the most. I have written before about how I have gotten round it in the other areas of my life. I feel it’s my business, it’s really personal stuff. I feel raw, emotional and vulnerable about it. I hope one day I will be strong enough to bare my soul more honestly. I hate the stigma that surrounds having a drinking problem.
That said, I still have pockets of my life where my soberness is not even known. Worryingly, I quite like that there are some people who still think that I am the cool, fun loving, sociable, party girl I always was! It has surprised and upset me that one by one as people find out that you are not drinking , that the glass in your hand doesn’t contain wine but fizzy apple juice…how their perception of how cool you are, how much fun you are, changes? Almost instantly?! I am sad that these social situations are no longer going to be as accessible to me? You see, I still enjoy going out and the buzz of being around people at night time, getting dressed up, being silly, superficial even, dancing etc. Ok, when it gets to the late, really drunken part, I really do want to leave, be in my Pj’s, sipping tea! But, I have found that I just seem to make other people feel uncomfortable and they start reflecting on their own drinking etc, which is not enjoyable for them, understandably!

Maybe, like everything else in my sobriety, this too will ease and change as I have more time under my belt. People will get used to the “new” me and they might even like her? But, last night as I was driving myself home, I got a bit melancholy about the whole “fun”, “silly” side of things. It’s something I need to get my head around. Maybe it’s my attitude and not theirs that I need to work on. With time, I am sure I can handle it differently, not be so sensitive. I have seven months sober, for Christ’s sake, I can handle anything!

19 thoughts on “Seven months

  1. Pingback: i celebrate in silence | Dangling on the edge

  2. Congrats on seven months – that is fantastic!

    I like what you said, and this line here – “Maybe it’s my attitude and not theirs that I need to work on” is gold. And I mean that in good gold (is there bad gold?) I have learned (and need a lot of practice remembering) that what others think of me is none of my business. That’s it! That doesn’t mean I blab everything about my life to anyone who cares to listen, etc. But I don’t make any bones about certain things, and if someone cares not for something that is authentic me, well…sorry. We aren’t going to have everyone like us, so might as well be the best “we” can be and let it be. Better to be genuine and lose a person or two rather than have a facade and try to have everyone like us.

    Anyway, spot on, Carrie.



  3. Congrats, girl! Excellent work! Some people I tell, most I give a short version, and almost all are totally OK with me not drinking. As they should be. I think if I worked at a bar, for example, it would be weird, mainly for me having to put up with all the nonsense BORING booze talk. I don’t miss doing things like driving drunk, crashing my car, losing my iphone, and then having to find everything–car and phone–the next morning with a coworker (my bf was the coworker, the drunk driver was the cook at his bar!). Only I know the nightmare that was my drinking life, and only I know how hard it’s been to say no. I’m not really caring anymore what anyone else thinks of my simple choice to just not drink booze. I think a lot of people who don’t know me might think I’m the dork, or the narc; but, like I said, they really don’t factor in much, if at all, anymore!

    Seriously, I think it took me (and this includes total time, so 16 months with a few slips, of course) until about oh, 10 months before I started to realize that well, it was ME and not them. No one cares if you’re drinking, *especially* if you’re drunk. And if they accuse you of being a party pooper? That’s just their problem, not for you to take to heart in the least. It reminds me of this: when I moved to NYC, I was in this constant state of feeling out of it, stared at, worrying that I stood out like a sore thumb, etc. Months later, maybe a year, I realized that it was ME, and not them: the streets of NYC are filled with people, of all colors, and it was ME who was not used to that. No one was pointing a finger at me and saying, look at the white girl! I was doing that. I was causing myself all that stress and anguish.

    Anyway, like everything, this will definitely get easier, too. xx

    • I know it’s all me really. I know I am not that important in the grand scheme of their lives. The friends I will loose are the ones who don’t get it and probably shouldn’t be around anyway! It’s just that my lack of honesty and openess hasn’t helped open the door to new friends/relationships? I’m a people person. Probably less of one than I used to be but I still like being sociable. I need to find that balance. It’s out there somewhere.
      So glad to hear about your journey and how even though it’s a work in progress, booze wouldn’t solve anything.
      Our answers are out there, we looked long enough inside the bottle.
      Thanks x

  4. Yes! So happy to read this! I think the stuff about your Christmas party will work itself out … Funny what you about other people’s change in attitude when they realise you’re not drinking – I have experienced the same. What a funny world we live in!

  5. I feel the same way as you do about my journey to sobriety being a very personal one….and I don’t want to shout it from the rooftops. I have kept my drinking very private in the last few years, mostly alone or in the company of my husband who is a live and let live kinda guy. I do not enjoy social events much any more, and even family get-togethers…whilst I love my family to pieces I find myself getting wound up and really craving a drink. I read a quote the other day which I really like….it was ‘i used to walk into a room and wonder if the people would like me…….now I walk into a room and wonder if I will like them’. Kinda reduces the stress somewhat and empowers me to cope with the situation better without booze.

    • Oh gosh – no one enjoys family get togethers, do they?
      It doesn’t matter if we don’t want to do stuff anymore or we want different things. Staying sober will be the first priority for a long time, maybe forever. Whatever it takes, cause we are happier like this. And it’s really no one’s business but ours.

  6. Yay on seven months, Carrie! That’s huge!

    “With time, I am sure I can handle it differently, not be so sensitive.” — I found shortly after the one year mark, maybe even 1.5 year, I really started to just chill out and not worry so much about what others thought. I think the sensitivity does ease in time, because we get more used to feeling things without a buffer, and we know most of this “stuff” isn’t worth jeopardizing our sobriety, so we just let it go. That comes with the gift of time.

    Congrats again on your seven months, Christy

    • Thank you Christy! I can’t believe how long it’s been, I’m thrilled to still be here!
      I know this stuff will ease, that’s been a huge learning curve for me, feeling, waiting stuff out…I didn’t know how to process any of that stuff. Now, I have a clear mind to work it out or sit and wait for it to work itself out…no more instant fixes! Not that it ever ‘fixed’ anything for me. Good to hear what’s down the road from an old pro!

  7. Congrats on 7 months…that is huge! Don’t be too tough on yourself about how other people view you. For me when I start to worry about what people think of me not drinking I just try to remember what I worried about when I was drinking. What did I do? What did I say? It could be a whole different world but you’ve chosen to make a positive change and that is what really matters. Congratulations again.

    • Funny how I didn’t give a toss about what they thought of me when I was blacking out and behaving like a complete idiot! nope, I didn’t worry then. I am still working out what to do with all this ‘feeling’ stuff? It’s all new to me!

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