We are on the countdown to holidays! This year we are travelling near a famous wine producing region . I made it my business to know a whole lot about wine which was probably just another way of covering up my all too consuming passion for the stuff. .
Anyhow, I am not too bothered about all that anymore and am focusing on booking nicer hotels, using the additional daily budget we will have due to not having a wine with lunch and a bottle with dinner every evening, at hiked up restaurant prices. That shit buys you another star at a hotel! I have had quite a bit of sober dining out recently and every time the bill comes I can’t believe how cheap it is. Sober really is the gift that keeps on giving…
I’ve been thinking about a trip we took to this same part of the world, many years ago…
I don’t remember being addicted to wine then. In fact, I think it was something I hadn’t even an interest in yet. I was a few beers kind of girl in those days. Sure, I didn’t have the off-switch that normal people have but I don’t remember having the pull towards drinking that I have known in recent years. If beer happened to be on the agenda, then I would happily flick my switch to “drinking” and it wouldn’t go off until someone (never me) decided to call time. I don’t remember being a slave to alcohol back then, I could have a good night out with lots of drinking, then not think about it at all until the next time it was socially appropriate, imagine that?!
Exactly when or why it changes into an addictive obsession I have not managed to figure out. I haven’t been able to pinpoint the exact time that I crossed over the line. For years I have wrestled with the idea that if I could just go back to being like this then I wouldn’t have to give it up completely…forever. Surely if I did it before, I can do it again.
But moderation is no longer an option once alcohol becomes like a forbidden fruit and accepting I will always drink like time is running out, has been key for me. There is no logic, it just is what it is.
The thought of giving up forever was what kept me locked in a self imposed alcohol prison. I was unable to see what forever actually delivers to you when you switch off the voice of the disease that tells you that you can’t live without it. For me, it’s meant freedom, peace and ok, I can’t drink anymore but it’s worth it. Sure, I crave a boozy beverage every now and then, like a regular person does I suppose, but I pay a different price for drinking than normal people do, so I abstain.
The holiday will be great despite the lack of booze, or in spite of it, which is how I prefer to think about it now. No hungover, sluggish, grumpy moods. No expensive mini bar charges and I am sure the kids will appreciate not being dragged round the local vineyards for wine tastings etc…can you imagine what a field day I’d have been having there!
If you’d told me six months ago that I would be ok, no, actually looking forward to my holidays without trying to accommodate my drinking habit, I’d have thought it impossible. But it is and I am!