It’s been over ten weeks since I have any booze and I have been feeling a bit flat lately. I suppose the pink clouds can’t be around all the time and I have felt really good most of the time and I am grateful for that.
Socially, I have still been keeping my head down I would say that I have cut my social calendar by about 3 quarters if not more since getting sober. Some of that is my doing and some is just that the invitations don’t come as thick and fast when you are not giving off the “up for it” vibes.
I am not craving alcohol really, apart from the odd pang for the taste of a cold white or a rioja with some cheese, I am not missing drinking at the moment…I am missing the recklessness, abandonment or escapism that goes along with it. I feel a bit sensible, dare I say it, boring. I know that my not drinking doesn’t make me boring, I think that I have more to say, can function better, show up, am really present, am more sincere etc.
I just don’t feel so carefree anymore. There is so much stuff going round in my head about finding myself, healing, and recovery and frankly it’s giving me headaches. Some days I am ready to embrace it and other days it just feels like such a chore. Blah, blah, blah.
It’s just life trudging along and I am not very used to the flat road that I am on right now. I am craving my chaos… I had been living with only highs and lows in my life up till now. Feeling good, have load of drinks, then feel shit. Feeling shit, more booze, feel shitter. I don’t really know how to be bored or just be. I have got to learn how to do that and I am not the most patient person.
Anyway, there are lots of social bits coming up in the next couple of weeks. I have get togethers, some time off work, a mini holiday somewhere new and it’s got me thinking about the different situations and how I will approach them. But overall, I am looking forward to getting out and having fun. There must be sober fun to be had, hiding out there somewhere, I just need to find it!
Onwards and upwards J