Home » Uncategorized » Because we’re worth it!

Because we’re worth it!

The other day a friend asked how the not drinking thing was going. I said it was ok, I am still doing it, have no plans to drink at all for the foreseeable future etc, etc. Then she said, oh you probably find it really easy now as you’ve had a few sober stints, you probably don’t even notice it this time round.

Talk about a massive understatement!!

I tried to explain a little, saying that describing it as easy would be a bit flippant! I said that even though it’s my choice to live without booze there are many situations where I feel out of place, make other people feel uneasy about their drinking and that socially it brings it challenges.  I said that even when you break the habit of the physical drinking, like missing the lovely taste of a cold white wine on a summer’s evening or a rioja with cheese after dinner,  you are still left with the huge craving for “life’s little off switch”. Because living without the crutch that is alcohol requires a lots of new navigating firstly around old situations and later through unknown, usually awkward territory.

It’s hard to get across the point to someone else especially when you are not being totally honest with where you are coming from. In fact, it’s hard even when you are being frank. I have always been totally honest with my husband about why I am stopping and the extent to which I feel I have a problem. However, when I have tried to explain to him why I am putting so much work into getting and staying sober, he really struggles to get it.

There is no easy way to reconcile the drinker to the recovery path required. The recovery in my case seems to be too big to fit the problem. I don’t believe this to be true. But that is how it looks on the outside.  It is necessary for me to put everything into staying sober because only I know where my drinking was coming from and where it was headed. Only I know, how it frightened me more than anything has ever done, how it felt bigger than me,  the control it had of my mind, the self imposed prison it had become, the slave I was to it.

This recovery stuff takes time, energy, resolve and huge effort sometimes. The cravings when they come are arduous and intense, they require enormous strength both physically and mentally. The tweaks to my old life are uncomfortable. Some situations that used to be fun are awkward.  Sometimes I don’t feel like me anymore…

But all of this, every huge part of it, far outweighs, more than I can write here, more than can be explained, ever, the feeling that being sober gives me. I LOVE IT! It makes me feel so happy and when I feel good I feel friggin’ great! The highs are far higher. There are still lows but there are nowhere near the shit I used to feel when I was drinking. So, being in recovery might be a bit obsessive and staying sober might be a whole lot challenging some days and just a bit boring others. But when you have been where I have, you would choose this feeling every time. Because it’s worth it, I am worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Because we’re worth it!

  1. Great post. I think what you say is true – early recovery takes a lot of effort. I mean, it takes effort at some level no matter how long you have under your belt, but it eats up a lot of energy at the beginning. I was jobless, living in a basement apartment (so no familial obligations), and had no real responsibilities for the first few months. I went to meetings and worked on the steps. And I was exhausted every single night. Utterly spent. So trying to explain this is difficult to someone who hasn’t been there. I don’t think my wife will ever understand it, nor is she that interested. Not that she doesn’t care (she does!) but it’s something that she can’t get. It’s like her trying to explain child birth to me. I am not a mother (obviously) so while I get it to a point, I can only stop at that point. So your husband may just be happy with the fact you are sober, and perhaps just needs to know that it takes some emotional and mental energy to abstain.

    As for the obsessive part…ha ha. that was exactly what my last post in my blog was about…lol. So I get it.

    Have a great sober day!

    Paul

  2. I’m so glad I’ve read this ! I’ve really been struggling with not feeling like myself lately… Not as fun, not as outgoing, etc. this was a great reminder to remember that no matter what, it’s better being sober.

  3. Oh goodness. I can relate to every word. EVERY WORD.And this is why Belle said to me today (in the comments on my post) that it’s best to share this journey with those who are going through the same thing – as we all are here – as it’s soooo hard for other people to get it.

    You are worth it. You are doing wonderfully. We have your back.

    xx

  4. Great post! This reminds me of me trying to understand my boyfriend’s attempts at quitting smoking: I’m the type who can smoke one cigarette a day, who can really take it or leave it. Smoking does nothing for me. He literally has to read my blog to truly grasp what I’m going through. And holy FUCK, this has been the most psychologically difficult thing I’ve EVER done (and I had to quit binge eating back in college, and comparatively, that was a breeze…which, if I recall, it SO wasn’t). So, yes, sometimes they’re not going to get it, and frankly, some people (my brother, for one) will choose to not get it or not want to get it. But, we have to be self-obsessed until we’re over that hump…and then continue to be aware of all that we’ve learned in the process of living life without the “little off switch” that others get to have and use.

    Yes, you are worth it! Good work…

  5. I’ve read three posts and already this is one of the most accuracte descriptions of learning to live a sober life that I’ve ever read. I related to every single word. Thank you, I’m bookmarking this blog. And congratulations on ten weeks, that’s fantastic.

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