So, I am making my way to work on Monday, just wondering what the weather is going to do, thinking about what I need to achieve at the office, planning what to eat for lunch, etc, when I realise that Monday’s NEVER used to feel anything like this. Who is this light hearted, cheery, optimistic, breezy chick, with the spring in her step and the bright eyes?!
Monday’s used to be more like this…
First there was the physical side of it. I would be knackered and my head would be heavy. The hangover would depend on whether Sunday had involved a lunchtime drinking session, usually resulting in me trying to stop drinking early evening and going to bed at a reasonable time but with the early onset of a hangover already. Or an evening drinking session which would mean a horrible headache following a bad night’s sleep.
Then, there would be the feelings of guilt, regret and disappointment. Guilt at not feeling up to doing a decent day’s work. Regret about all the things I wanted to get done at the weekend that didn’t happen because I popped the cork on Friday (or Weds, or Thurs). So many of my best intentions would have fallen by the wayside. There would be the unfinished projects, the run I missed, the cancelled gym class, homework not helped with, laundry not dealt with, the list goes on and on. It wasn’t total chaos, I didn’t drink all day every day, just enough to take the edge off real life and enough to not be so bothered if all of the grown up stuff just didn’t happen.
Disappointment at the empty, broken promises that I had made again to myself the previous Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday. I’d be totting up the units I had drunk, wondering why I hadn’t managed to successfully moderate, like I’d told myself I would. Coming up with another excuse as to why this weekend was unusually stressful or sociable and warranted the pushing aside of all my best intentions again.
Next weekend will be better I would tell myself. I won’t drink during the week either. I will be all over that new diet I wanted to start and I will run and get to the gym. The house will be straighter and I will get all of that work off my desk. Just not today, I can’t cope with it today. Tomorrow will be better. . I just need to get today over with. Hurry up bedtime…tomorrow will be different. I promise.
What a way to start the week, how depressing that was and I couldn’t even see that I was the one creating all of the stress and putting all the pressure on myself and for what? How did I not realise that by changing one thing, I could make such a difference to everything else? I know not every Monday will be fabulous but it will be about looking ahead, being excited. It will be like having a future to plan and not living in the past anymore.